I got some shit to say. And I'm lazy.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dude,Whatever Happened To...?

We here at T-DawgBlog have decided to shamelessly steal from other, better, worthier blogs. In a nod to my good friend and bowling league teammate Dup Dupperson's awesome blog feature "Please Explain", I have decided to add my own feature to Soy Un Cabron, "Dude, Whatever Happened To...?" This semi-regular feature will allow me to track down long forgotten heroes of yesteryear and bring them back to the forefront for you, my eleven faithful readers.

Now, as many of you faithful T-Bloggers out there know, I am nothing if not a landfill of useless pop information and high brow anecdotes. I have read Pynchon, I have seen Pooty Tang. I have memorized Lebowski and fetishized Lethem, all with equal aplomb. But where I really get down on the get down is, and shall always be, the rock and roll. And for me, the biggest rock and roll cultural zeitgeist, tipping point moment of my lifetime was the release of Purple Rain. This movie, and more importantly, soundtrack, was a big deal to me and thousands of other white children all across America. Why? Well, I'll tell you.

There just ain't no other way to say it. Prince was a bad muther fucker. I could do a bad 80's stand up routine right now, paying tribute to his purple pants and pompadour and all the ladies who stood a head taller than him, but why give Howie Mandel the satisfaction? Prince begat Greg Dulli, who wrote Gentlemen, which changed my life, and thus thousands of ladies (okay, like three) have had their lives bettered in some way by knowing me. Or not.

But I digress. Prince could not have had his purple reign without his Revolution, and that's who I'm here to hunt up today. We all know about Wendy and Lisa, Dez Dickerson, and the incomparable Morris Day and Jerome. But we here at Soy Un Cabron have been wondering, whatever happened to Doctor Fink ? He of the tickled ivories, he of the funky groove, he who dared to look Prince straight in the eye and say "I ain't wearing no damn colonial get up! I am the Fink, Doctor Phineas Van Fink, maestro of the Casio Keyboard! I gotta wear my scrubs, yo! Don't mess with my look, man! They need me in funkery, stat!" He also rocked the sleazy porn mustache, which, when countered with Prince's own sleazy, albeit pre-pubescent 'stache, actually looked pretty tight, in a 'Ron Jeremy's gross' kinda way. He also didn't go in for all the bad make-up, which, let's face it, was never gonna fly on a honkey from the Twin Cities.

Dr. Fink was a visionary in that respect. He could see the coming power that is home video rental, how we recycle everything culturally before it has a chance to get old and grey, and how he would be captured for all time wearing some bitch ass blush and eyeliner, coupled with the aforementioned nasty ole' 'stache. So my man Fink stood up and said, "NO! I got my scrubs and I got my 'stache, what more do you want from me? I am a keys man, not an animal! I invented the piano tie!!" And it is because of this foresight, this perpacity, this flat out funktasmagoricalness that we here at my blog salute you, Dr. Fink, and our proud to name you tdawgblog's "1st Semi-Regular Dude,Whatever Happened To...? Dude."

And now, indeed Dr. Fink, whatever DID happen to you?

After wildly searching the net for at least twenty minutes, and with no help from any of the Prince related sites, I was only able to discover his site (linked above) and this little tidbit, which seems fairly obvious.

'Dr Fink is no longer working with Prince. He is available for session work and can be booked at 1-952-xxx-xxxx.'

I called and left a message. The Doctor was not in.


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