It's A Long Way Down

Suffice it to say, I have lost everything.
And by everything, I mean everything.
I'm down to my last $500.
My Jeep is el fucko grande.
My Ipod is up someone's nose.
My play has been a emotional and physical drain and it's killing me.
And most importantly, my heart is the bums on the streets.
I won't get into details because people deserve and warrant better than
a fucked up and self congratulatory forum like this.
but when you walk around in circles all night and listen to stumblin' and
cryin' country songs while physically feeling your heart leave your body
and the only thing you can push yourself to do is order another round of beer while the
all star country musicians play on,
then maybe typing a little bullshit typey type ain't so bad.
but in the middle of all that came a revelation.
I'm one fucked dude.
i hate myself and i always have.
i have no self worth because i never gave any to myself.
i let other people do it for me.
i can't accurately judge anything about me anymore.
and that is why, dear readers, i am officially done.
i'm turning in my badge.
fork inserted.
turn me over
spit me out.

all you can do sometimes is laugh.
fuck that shit.